Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less The Book that Murdered my Blog
Just kidding!
Greg McKeown’s book about the immense value of honing in and only focusing on what’s truly important in work and in life was a game-changer for me because it gave me a road map for doing all the things I knew I needed to be doing anyway. I knew I needed to focus better and on the right things. I knew I needed to cut down on physical and emotional distractions. But these are all things much easier said than done. This book, however, took my hand (as so many wonderful books do) and showed me how to find the light in small, manageable steps.
In virtually every instance, clarity about what is essential fuels us with the strength to say no to the nonessentials.
Greg McKeown, Essentialism, p. 135
I have always had a hard time saying NO to people, things, and opportunities – especially if I can do or say YES to them easily enough and I know that doing so will make someone else happy or relieved. But all these YES’s always added up to much more than you think they will. So I tried getting clear-er as McKeown says.
I wrote on index cards everything I was balancing between work, my dissertation, my blog, personal art projects, and volunteer work and laid them all out on my desk. There were about seven or eight cards (i.e. too many) and I could see super clearly which ones were not bringing value to my life at that moment and which ones were. I picked up each one and asked,
How essential are you?
If the answer was “very,” then I asked:
What is the most value I can get out of this?
and I added that answer to the card. If the answer was “not essential at all”, then I asked:
Is this something that I want or need to continue putting energy into?
If it wasn’t, I took whatever real-world steps necessary in order to tear up the index card and throw it away. If it was, I thought about how to breathe new life into it in order to turn it into something of value.
The few cards that stayed were stuck to the wall just above my laptop screen where I could see them every day. No email or phone call or website could happen without these essential things overlooking my actions. Is what I’m doing right now contributing to any of my essential projects? No? Close the tab. Don’t send the email. Stop writing. Say no.
While my blog remained on the wall of things essential to my life, my Master’s dissertation was the sole card on the top tier of importance. Most of my time was put towards that and I wanted to give myself plenty of time. And that’s really the crux of what I love most about this idea of living “essentially”. While it might seem cold or unfeeling to cut out what is “nonessential” from every facet of your life, the reality is that 1) you’re not cutting out things that SOCIETY thinks are non-essential (popcorn, soapy tv shows, pun competitions) but rather the things that are non-essential to YOU and your well-being (being in a job or relationship that makes you feel less than you are, pouring money or time into an investment that isn’t paying out) and 2) the gift you give yourself in return for eliminating these things is that you actually end up accomplishing far more and on top of that, you get more TIME. And sweet, miraculous time is everything.
It’s not just work-projects or jobs or people that take up our time, it’s also our physical belongings and emotions.
A friend and mentor of mine recently posted a picture of her minimalist living room in southern California and wrote this along with it:
The thing that surprised me most about ridding ourselves of our material things in 2016 is that I gained time. It was like a switch went on each time I let go, my life had more room. I had more time to notice the present moment because less was getting my attention. I knew my energy was invested in my things and but I never imagined that my things were also taking my time.
– Jess Gumkowski (original post)
On my birthday, a friend sent me a collection of some of her favorite poems and included among them was one called Alternate universe in which I am unfazed by the men who do not love me by Olivia Gatwood. It chronicles a world in which the time we spend being hurt or sad or not-over-them-yet is time that we get to have back to give to ourselves and others freely; happily.
left over from the other universe are hours and hours of waiting for him to kiss me and here, they are just hours. here, they are a bike ride across long island in june. here, they are a novel read in one sitting. here, they are arguments about god or a full night’s sleep.
– Olivia Gatwood, New American Best Friend
Emotions can suck away time like a rogue vacuum in a down pillow factory. It’s not just heartbreak that does this, but also fear and worry, stress and loneliness, wishing and missing. What’s worse is that when you’re consumed by a strong emotion, it can be impossible to see the fullness of this truth.
As I read, I absorbed Essentialism into my veins to see what would happen. I listened to the heartbeat of my life and stripped away all the things that were making noise; drowning out what really matters to me. I took a break from my blog and from reading and removed things that were taking my energy and not bringing value to my life. I turned a dormant volunteer opportunity into a paying job. I said “goodbye” and “no” and “I’m sorry, I can’t.” I wrote a beautiful, 63-page dissertation honoring the vibrant semantics of a dying language and turned it in on time and without panic. I had long talks with my sister and my mom. I spent an hour laying on the ground looking up at the sky; another thirty minutes watching bees fly in and out of their hive. I declined zoom calls, postponed trips, and got rid of more belongings. I started dancing and singing again. I learned new skills and re-learned old ones. I made friends and healed wounds. I remembered how essential fun is.
In another life, I used to talk to people who would complain/brag about how busy they are and I would always respond “That’s good! Busy is good” with sympathy and encouragement. But now I see so clearly that this idea that busy is good is just social programming. The truth is that time is our most valuable asset and people who are busy all the time are effectively starving themselves; cutting off their vitality and potential success at the knees. McKeown reminds us that Bill Gates is an Essentialist. So is the Dalai Lama. Now, when I see people who say “Gosh, I’m so busy. I’ve never been so busy in my life!” I feel awkward and don’t know how to respond. What I want to say (but don’t) is “I’m so sorry. How can I help?”
I am not in a perfect place with my life, my income, my relationships, and even my time. I still have three jobs and take on too many big craft projects and read constantly and write this blog. But I also finally understand the meaning of the last line of Gatwood’s poem.
i have so much beautiful time.
– Olivia Gatwood, New American Best Friend
I understand that having time is not selfish, or a luxury that only the wealthy can afford, or a vacuum waiting to be filled by something else. It is a state that is already very much full; one that is the most essential of all; one that we can’t afford not to strive for.
I am so grateful for all my beautiful time.
Books & References
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown (2014)
Jess Gumkowski’s Instagram (@JessGumkowski)
Alternate universe in which I am unfazed by the men who do not love me in New American Best Friend by Olivia Gatwood (2017)